New Caption Contest (via DListed)

After a long day, Michael Jackson likes to wind down with the newspaper and a little room service. - jack-n-the-hat

Runners-up:

Even on her deathbed, Jolie requests the latest tabs be delivered so she can check her relevancy. - Two Drink Min

This isn't the first time Wino checked into a hospital and they accidentally put her in the morgue. - LizzieBitch

As she stood shaking in a corner, Katie heard Tom say "Her name will be...Suri!" - Plecostomus